Hey all! (Warning!!!! Bloody pictures below!!!)

I've been out for a bit mainly due to the weather getting better and wanting to get the garden started up for the year.

The wife and I have been getting all the seeds started indoors before moving them out to harden up. Got tons of seeds and soil going but then we also wanted to get compost bins built so we can make use of our produce scraps.

However while I was working with a box cutter to shave off some of the trimming for the compost bin I ended up slicing my finger when the spare blade in one of the box cutters came out and jammed through my index finger. It sliced clean through half of my finger up to the nail. The left side of it went completely pale and I remember staring at it and just saying: "Ok... ok... ok... hmmm ok..." Then I looked to my wife who was working on the bins with me and she sees the blood dripping and immediately runs for the first aid kit and pours alcohol all over it. As shes getting it cleaned and wrapped up I'm still just staring at my finger and saying "Ok... ok... ok... this is ok..." Like I was in a some shock seeing the left side of my index finger dangling off.

We went to the E.R. and got it patched up but oh man it was terrible getting the inside of it flushed out with some liquid. The nurse shoved a needle inside of it and flushed it with liquid to get any bits of metal out of it just incase so it doesn't get infected. Then I got a tetanus shot for good measure. So much fun, but at least I didnt lose my finger.

So I've been without much function of my left hand as I cant flex it much to keep the stiches together until it heals in about 2 weeks. Thus I haven't had much music production going and I've only been able to commit to minor yard work.

It is insane how much more difficult basic tasks have become without the use of my hand or in some cases without the use of my index finger.

However, once I'm healed I intend to hop back on and get the brain juice flowing and produce some beats and see how everyone else is doing!

This is after wrapping it up in gauze and holding it in place. Waiting to get it stitched up.

This is from the side where you can see the cut going up to my nail.

When I first cut it the flap of skin was just hanging off and I could see my inner meat.

I hope everyone else is fairing better than myself and wishing all an awesome rest of their leap year February!

So its a new year and as always its fun to try out new activities and experience all the joys that come with it. I didn't really have any resolutions this year I'm just winging it and hoping that anything I do sticks with me. Like gum stuck to a shoe but less... inconvenient. Like for the past year/year and halfish I've had this terrible agoraphobia which I had once before during my teenage years and its a bit of the same but different. Its like the feeling of being afraid of heights but in all directions of space. I continued to exercise to try and break it off but it just comes back in kind and keeps a sturdy ass grip on me.

I'm not housebound or anything, but more afraid to venture far out like I used to. I loved travelling and going on road trips but I think the stress of being relied upon and that without my existence I leave loved ones behind without much to inherit for the sake of security. It's frightening. I overanalyze too much so I'm sure it doesn't sound like much but its what keeps me up at night. I try to focus on music and just enjoy life. Relaxing whenever I can, but I feel so alert. Like I'm on a rollercoaster I can never get off of. The moments of calm are those long straights without much momentum but then the anxiety kicks up as you edge up higher and higher. Then it just drops and goes in all sorts of directions feeling like straight up chaos.

That's where this year comes in and I'm continuing to fight the good fight. I'm looking for change of pace and change of lifestyle. Like doing things I don't normally do for the sake of sanity. Going outside and doing yoga in 0 degree weather, reading in the trunk of my car while I watch the snow fall or even playing guitar as I walk around my neighborhood. It feels like a curse and in my mind doing something odd would break it.

Aside from the grim side of things I'm just glad to be able to test the waters. I'm having a blast with Jamuary and trying out different sounds/genres. I'm looking to get some gear to record live instruments because honestly my piano skills are not the best. So if anyone knows of some affordable but quality brands of audio interfaces that'd be worth its weight. I've been doing my homework on which route to go, but I'm always open to suggestions as it's all new to me.

I hope everyone's year is off to a decent start and if you're feeling down and out just keep on pushing. When you hit the bottom you might as well do whatever you want while you climb back up. That is to say as long as it doesn't affect others in a negative way. So while you're laying there just take some breaths, take your time, but eventually move that body and kick up the dust.

Hey all,

I was taking some breaks in between songs to get back into some old (but good) habits like running/exercise and improving my baking skills. Mainly the running was the hardest to get back into. There is a lot of mental will and motivation required to even step out the door. But once I put rubber to asphalt I was feeling that same freedom of escape. It definitely lifts a lot of weight off as far as stress is concerned.

Aside from that I've been playing around with different DAWs. I tried my hand at FL originally but found myself moving over and really enjoying Ableton live. So I have some projects on there that I'm working on. The free trial ended up running out so I need/want to buy it and keep working on that. I don't want to upload anything yet as I'm feeling like its incomplete as a full song. Its more like samples. I in my own frustration keep making a beat and then moving on to another one over and over again. Never feeling fully content or maybe lacking the motivation to finish the beats.

This summer has been wild though. I'm used to the summer weather being over 100F but dry and not too insufferable. But living in an environment where its humid and just shy of 90F I feel like I can hardly breathe without getting a mouthful of sweat. So I hope everyone else is staying hydrated and having some chilled fun this summer.

Looking forward to the Autumn and I hope to see/hear yall around!

Hey hey,

So I'm back and putting up some beats. I've been watching tutorial videos about FL studio and have been tinkering with it. It's a bit of a harsh start but I'm sure Ill figure it out. Kinda just feels like taking a hammer to screws. Other than that I got sick with covid about 2 weeks ago and it royally sucked. Coughing up a storm and fevers and all that. It only took 3 years but was bound to happen. I baked a lot while I was sick. It started with cinnamon rolls and next thing I know I'm making strawberry cheesecake and coffee cake. I didn't eat much while ill, but neither did anyone in the house so I was able to enjoy all the delectable delights once I recovered. Tasted like 15 pounds I tell you what.

Well that's all for now.

I'll be around seeing all you beautiful people.

Hey yall,

I don't put this message out to make a heart heavy so please do not see it as such.

I am momentarily going to take a break for as with any human they will eventually succumb to the

stressors of mental health or physical health and need to repair themselves. The past couple weeks have

been difficult as I can't write much music while having auditory hallucinations and honestly its what makes my progress

slow to begin with, but instead of seeing the difficulties faced I'd rather see to it that I take some self care and time off to find more meaning and purpose in myself. Looking on the bright side of life so to speak.

I'm also going to be saving up to buy a new music production software so I can produce even more high quality music that I've been wanting as Rytmik Studio isn't giving that "umph" that I need. While it is a great program its very limiting in various aspects. If anyone has recommendations on music software or where to start Id love to hear it. But for now I am going to be enjoying the exquisite nature that exists in our wonderful planet and pushing troubles aside as I take them on one by one.

I've had a really amazing year so far with ya'll and I want to keep it going as soon as I'm back in service.

Much love,

Black

*Note*

I felt like I've been on here for long enough that maybe someone would like to know me better so I thought I'd share a tid bit of my life.

*End Note*

Salve, my name is Jonathan Black but I go by Busan Black. I originally began my love of music while listening to the stereo in the car when I was 5. I was raised in a car for 3 years (4yo-7os) and fell in love with music as it was my only form of entertainment outside my own internal monologues. At age 11 I received an electric guitar and learned by reading through chord books, listening to music, and playing by ear. At age 13 I actually joined Newgrounds and started to post my music which of course didn't have high reception as I was showing what I was learning. But I had ton of fun chatting with others who shared similar interests and making friends.

When I got to high school I joined the school Jazz band as the bassist for 2 years. At 17 I dropped out of school and left home to finish my education in L.A. I eventually formed the punk band "Bad Kids" with close friends and we played at strip joints, trailer parks and anywhere that paid either money or food. At 19 I took a hiatus from music to join the Air Force. After 5 years of working 14 hour panamas in military law enforcement I started to have hallucinations which was eventually diagnosed as schizophrenia. So at 25 I began to relearn music and begin my journey into the wonderful world that is audio production. I didn't have the knowledge or resources to learn when I was younger which sucked but ultimately everyone is on their own path and its not a race. When I was younger I had this idea that if you weren't a prodigy and made it big by the time you were 20 then you weren't going to make it. But this is a lesson I wanted to share with anyone who maybe feels the same... Its not about being the greatest or even making it big. This isn't a Salieri vs Mozart thing. Its about enjoying what you do and turning your emotions into something that you can not just feel but hear and immortalize. Therapy is what I call it.

Don't let the world around you dictate where you should be in life just be a good human and do you.

Also if you made it to this point, thank you for reading my mini bio and I love you and I hope you have an amazing life. You're going to do great things and I know so many people will be proud of what you accomplish no matter how small or insignificant you may view it.

Keep ya head up,

Black

Bad Kids - Suicide live 2009 last show

Its too damn cold out. Went from 100 to 0 real fast <_<

When I was living in Las Vegas there would be police presence everywhere. Wealthy neighborhood? Security guards at the gate and police around the perimeter alongside more security driving on golf carts around the perimeter. Low-income neighborhood? Police presence driving around the streets. But police presence wasn't the same as the low-income neighborhoods. You drive through there and its high risk traffic stops or nothing.

So I'm walking through the neighborhood around 7 at night on my way to 7-11 and I see 2 squad cars pull over a black sedan that just exited a parking lot at the strip mall. The car immediately does another right turn back into a smaller street next to the strip mall and stops. Two cops with pistols out pointed towards the black sedan stand by their vehicle and I hear a shout "Boutta win the ghetto lottery!" coming from the direction of the black car. I don't know if its the vehicle operator themselves or somone from the group of people that began to crowd around and record the situation.

I stop as I am now at the corner where the traffic stop is going down and also where the 7-11 is located. I walk into the 7-11 and stop right outside the doors by the windows and I keep watching. At this point you see 4 police officers with pistols drawn at this car and I'm thinking the worse is about to happen. They yell for the driver to put hands out the window and use one hand to unbuckle the seat belt and step out slowly. The usual procedures for a high risk. But what is unusual is how these cops are yelling commands over each other and confusing the driver. He is being told by different voices of command to both lay down on his stomach and have his hands above his head. He begins to kneel with hands up but they want him to keep standing to do a turn around. So he gets up again and then does a turn around. It looks like a complete cluster fuck of confusion as one of the officers doesn't just take command over the suspect. Eventually two of the cops make an approach but still yelling commands at the guy to stay down. The driver is yelling "Why am I being pulled over? What is going on? I have my two kids in the car. What is going on?"

One of the cops yells for him cross his legs and he attempts to do so but pushes himself up to readjust and that was the final straw for the two approaching officers who then taser him and jump onto him to prevent him from any slight movement. The police eventually get handcuffs on the driver and put him into the back of one of the patrol vehicles. They do a search around the car and see the two children and are audibly confused immediately as they weren't expecting children.

I end up going into 7-11 to get what I came for and leave while the whole affair continues and more police show up. I come back to the 7-11 two days later and I talk to the cashier who I know as a close acquaintance thanks to my insomnia and nightly snacking habits. I ask him what happened with the situation the other day. He ends up saying that a lot of the people that were watching came into the store and talked about the cops pulling over a vehicle with the wrong description.

This man is going to be traumatized and his children more so. Having worked as an LEO for over 5 years I can tell you that these situations are not meant to be easy on suspects as you want to keep both yourself and the other person safe. But if you are sending in untrained or bare minimum trained fools who don't know how to communicate or, in many instances, deescalate a situation then you aren't going to get any positive public relations, and worse you are going to continue the same cycle of idiocy. And when you send in ill trained workers of any career into a situation that can mean life and death then you are going to end up having blood spilled unnecessarily.

So of course I can go onto Youtube or the like, and get information from there, but I can't really engage that way and so I wanted to be able to directly ask. How does everyone else make music? Like from what I've seen no matter what, new or even used, the equipment to either record or computer software seems too expensive. I might have 20 bucks saved every couple months after all has been paid and done. I remember one time being told off as a kid because of my sound quality being crap and I asked them what they used and they said it wall repurposed or reused equipment and an old computer and didnt cost them more than 200 bucks. When I was a kid 200 bucks was a half months worth of groceries so that was close to impossible.

Time to time I'll go to the pawn shop, maybe not the cheapest (but cheaper than guitar center), and look at all the gear and equipment and I know Ill never afford it. So, I wonder if anyone has frugal hacks on how to record or produce music. I feel like I hit a wall and just need a boost over, ya know?

I had talked about how I was stationed in England before so I thought Id just drop another story from my time there.

I was reminiscing on some of the strangest things I've seen as my kids had asked me about the weirdest thing I've seen. So I started with one of my stories about my night shift during a Fall season out in the English countryside. Reminiscing being on patrol and driving around looking for any suspicious activities or giving a hand to people who needed assistance.

Its was about 1 in the morning and I remember the nights started early so I never had much light except for right when the sun would rise around 430 in the morning. But because of the nights being so long the cold would linger and worse, never seemed to get any better with the warming of the sun. I stopped by the main gate to check on the other Security Forces and see what they were up to. We conversed a bit with some small talk and as time passed the boredom rose so, of course, you begin to ask the random zombie questions of: "how would you survive?" "what would you do if it began right now?"

We begin to discuss our plans and how we would fair a bit better but may be over run and have to hold up somewhere or ultimately flee. The discussing goes for a while until around 2 in the morning when we see a man riding a bike out in the road that goes by the base. Well he rides in circles as he approaches the visitors center and that's when we are able to get a better picture. He is completely naked, including no shoes or socks, and in one hand he is holding a huge kitchen knife. We all immediately are confused and step out to talk to the man, but get no response. He is about 20 to 25 feet out in front of us. Now remember that we are 3 heavily armed guys, but we were just discussing zombie apocalypse so we are also very much glancing at each other and back at the naked Brit wondering what just kicked off. Instead we decide to call it in to the desk and let them know there was situation.

At that point the naked man gets off his bike and started to approach us while still holding up this knife and getting no response. We begin to yell for him to stop and not get any closer. He does not listen. We all pull our tasers and aim and give final warnings. He then runs and lets out a banshee, hair standing straight up on your skin, scream and charges. One of the guards then immediately takes the shot and the man goes down scraping every inch of frontal skin. We run up and I kick the knife away and the other guard goes to immediately handcuff the man. He begins to regain bodily functions and starts attempting to bite and scream.

We have him placed on the floor in the visitors center while we wait for special agents to show up and the local constabulary to find out whats up with this guy. We all assume drugs but a small itch in the back of our heads is still telling us there's a possibility this man is trying to eat us.

Once the local constabulary arrives and transports the guy to a hospital we find out he most likely was using bath salts.

Just one of the random encounters while on the night shift.